It was my turn last week to write the Young Mother submission for the American Mother Newsletter. Thought I would post it here too. I wish I could have articulated better what I was trying to get at--but that's what happens when I procrastinate. Writing is not my gift--and I couldn't find one of the books I wanted to use for a quote--still in a box in the basement..
Being a mother is the most wonderful job in the world, but the fruits of our labors are not often immediately apparent. Sometimes it’s hard to see the progress or feel the sense of achievement that is easier to measure and identify with other jobs. My dear friend once described it well when she told her husband that in leaving the job force behind to stay at home with her first daughter, she no longer received job performance reviews to help her gauge her success in her most important job. However, because of our human need for validation and because we care so much about being great moms, we look for signs that we are doing the right thing all over.
Without a written job description, we do what comes naturally—we compare ourselves, and our children, to other mothers and their children. We compare labor stories, newborn milestones, walking, talking, reading, grades, athletic & musical ability, behavior, college entrance exams, and on and on. And all the better if my son just won the summer swim league championship—right? That must mean I’m a good mother. What about when my daughter can’t read Harry Potter at entrance to Kindergarten like my friend from church? How many of us have let our own feelings of worth about the work we do slip because we compare ourselves and our children to others? I know I have been guilty of this.
Motherhood is NOT a competitive sport. I don’t know exactly when I realized this, but it has been liberating. I can love my four children, praise their successes, and be unashamed about theirs and my own shortcomings (we ALL have them). I’m not less of a mother then my friend who has 8 children, or better than my friend who’s child didn’t pass the test for the advanced program at school—we are all mothers. Motherhood is not a game with winners or losers, it is a journey and I believe that one of our greatest resources are the others mothers we associate with—just remember, they need cheerleaders too!
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12 comments:
Heather,
What a beautiful thought. You need to give yourself more credit, you write wonderfully! It's something all of us (but especially me) need to be reminded of. You are a great mother, and I'm glad I can look to people like you for inspiration, and not as a way of measuring all my shortcomings. Thanks for posting!
What an awesome post. So true - So true. I am glad to have had the pleasure of meeting you and now being a friend to such a wonderful mom!!!
I bumped into your blog on accident, thinking it was somebody else's. But thank you for your words...it was just what I needed to hear!
Here, here. I agree. I wish I could only remember that every day.
How great that you are able to express these thoughts with young mothers everywhere. Thanks for including it on your blog. It is a welcome reminder to me on how much more I need to be a "cheerleader" to my kids.
well said. It is so important to have those conversations with friends, to "gauge" ourselves and learn how to better our mothering skills, but it can be dangerous. Not a competative sport, indeed.
You did a wonderful job of expressing yourself! Beautifully put! We all need to remember that we aren't in compitition with one another, we can learn from one another and we need to champion our children every day! They are why we are Mothers! You have shared with our Nations Young Mothers a wonderful message!
As always Heather, wise words.
wonderful post. Love your words of wisdom. Has me pondering some things.
I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that today. It is always best to remember that we are all individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses. That is what makes us unique. Especially as mothers and wives. Thanks for the reminder and enlightenment!!
Every mother needs to hear that. We are given the priveledge of being mothers and should never feel that a calling that noble is inadequate. We are each blessed with specific talents and each given stewardship over children with unique personalities. All we can do is strive for our own 'personal best'.
So well written! I can't believe you actually wrote that writing is not your 'gift'. This was perfect. You should be proud.
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